Finding the line

So, we have the diagnosis of APD.  It is helpful to know that K hasn't just been willfully disobediant and/or defiant.  It has helped our relationships with him to know that.  BUT, we are struggling with how do we differentiate between blatant behavioral issues and APD related lack of understanding.  It is a challenging place to be as a parent.

Clearly there are boundaries.  Hauling off and hitting his brother is automatic time out for K.  But, what about 'K, go do ~insert single task here~'?   

Volume level in the house is another one.  Inside voices has been a phrase we have used for 5 years with K.  Clearly not something new.  That said, does K's volume escalate when he is struggling due to APD?  Kevin is also a sensory seeker (SID) so that coupled with the issues of not being able to 'hear' and yikes what is a parent to do?

His diagnosis was generalized APD with larger issues (I know that isn't the right phrase) with Tolerance Memory Fading and Decoding.  One example from the testing was the test sentence was 'Answer the telephone when it rings.' and K heard 'How does the doorbell ring?'.   During another part of the testing one word was played in one ear, another in the other, and two words simultaneously in both.  K was instructed to repeat the 4 words and he shut down not long into it because, to quote K, 'there aren't 4 words!'.

I'm doing some reading right now to ground myself and try to get the ball rolling, so to speak.  K starts Fast ForWord on July 6 and will do that through August 16 with school starting the 18th.  He will continue in OT during the summer and will start speech therapy in August with a ST who goes to visits his school (private school and private ST).

As a type A, control freak mother, I am coming to terms with things not being controllable, predictable, or even at times understandable.  It is humbling.  But, the love I feel for my children is endless and supporting, loving, and helping them is far more important to me than being in control.

Similar to when we got the allergy diagnosis there is a period of grieving, a time to reflect upon that which won't play out how we anticipated and hoped.  I wouldn't trade K for anything, so it is merely a time where I come to terms with the diagnosis,  accept things for what they are, arm myself with as much knowledge as possible, and move on with the process of providing him with the tools and skills to be his best, whatever that may be.

How can I resist a smile like this, right?  Smiles like the one in the picture below are all the encouragement a mother needs.

Competitiveness and a special needs child

The end of the school year has been hard on me. There is good news that my above average sized 6 year old will proceed to first grade, but it is with some concern and trepidation on Mommy's part. I cringe when I read updates on how fantastic friends kids did. I feel like a big pile of doggy doo when I feel that way, but it doesn't eliminate the fact that it is how I feel. Then I feel like imposter Mommy. You know, where you feel you are coming up with things wrong with your child to explain away what is really poor parenting. Sigh.

That brings me back to my personal flaws. I'm realizing just how competitive I am. Reading K's end of year scores and test results was humbling for me. I have been incredibly blessed throughout my personal academic career. Things came easy to me and I did well. Things are not coming easy to K and it is new territory. It terrifies me as a mother. I know how mean and cruel kids are as social skills didn't come easy to me growing up. I really fear for K and how his classmates will treat him. He doesn't understand the nuances of interpersonal relationships. APD is part of it. Some days I wonder if it is more. I've made a phone call to follow up on those moments of wonder.

His reading and language marks were average to a touch below average. His math skills were average to above average (not surprising for anyone who knows M and I). His handwriting was scored marginal, as in doesn't meet standards for grade. K has been working the Handwriting Without Tears (www.hwtears.com) program for well over a year, and well, K can't write his letters without tears. K's essential tremor contributes, but really, if he can't meet Kindergarten standards will he ever be able to meet them? Then again, does it really matter? Seriously, how many job interviews start with a handwriting sample? Thank goodness for the digital era.

I don't want life to be easy for my kids but I certainly don't wish that it be hard for them. K is going to have challenges all the way through school. I'm looking forward to his APD therapy program starting in July so we can see how that goes. I have also called for an appointment with a Psychologist who specializes in developmental disorders. I want to get the ball rolling to see if there is more going on than what we have figured out so far.

Seriously, the kid has seen almost every specialist in town: GI, Allergist, ENT (Ontolaryngology round one), Opthalmologist, Otolaryngology round two (APD diagnosis), Neurologist, Speech Therapist, Occupational Therapist, and now Child Psychologist. Please don't get me wrong, we are AMAZINGLY blessed parents. He is an amazing, beautiful, loving child. He just has some challenges and we are trying to figure out how to best help him.

As you would say in digital land I heart K! He is my big boy. I adore him and promise to him that I'll figure this out and try my best to make it easier for him.

Bloody mouth and bloggers. What a week!

Such interesting weeks we are having these days. We had a very good weekend and started our week off well. We knew it was a busy week but nothing out of the ordinary. Things were going well with a good offsite meeting for work and then the dreaded text came at 4pm from our Nanny 'Call me ASAP.' The words that make a mom's heart sink. The first words I heard were 'we are on the way to the ER.' Yep, it REALLY was that call.

We sorted things out a bit and I figured out it was an oral emergency and after a quick phone call we discovere K's pediatric dentist was able to get us in as soon as we could get there. I met them at the dentist and about puked when I saw him. He had a huge bloody fat lip and his top left tooth was dangling from bloody gums. I try to not be a helicopter mom but I am a mom who does not let her kids run down hills. I cringe when I see kids running downhill on hard surfaces because I worry about them falling on their mouth.

Well, I am so proud of my little guy. The x-rays showed no concerning damage to his permanent teeth or any of the other baby teeth. K didn't whimper, cry or even flinch when the dentist pulled the tooth without any numbing. He has three other teeth that are now loose and will likely fall out early. Once we got in the car he declared it THE.BEST.DAY.EVER! He was tickled pink that he got two stickers and an army man from the dentist and that he got to have ice cream and applesauce for dinner. Not to mention that the Tooth Fairy would be coming too.

How our little ones remind us of the true joys in life, no? Ice cream for dinner is a pretty darned good day, no? He really reminded me that the little things in life are quite often the really good ones. We are thankful it happened now instead of once the permanent teeth were in and also thankful it wasn't an arm or leg.

I had a chuckle when I got over the initial panic of the situation. The reason is because of the way the accident happened. K was at his weekly Occupational Therapy appointment doing an obstacle course that helps him with his balance and spatial awareness. He tripped over a balance beam and fell face first onto a ramp they use with a scooter board. Final score: Ramp 1 - K's mouth 0. Well, I guess we have some pretty good reasons to continue the OT ;-)

As for bloggers and what they have to do with the week? A couple of weeks ago I noticed there was going to be a Social Media Forum here in town. I sent in my RSVP and then found out a co-worker was going to be on the final panel of the session. Well, the co-worker ended up sick and asked me to fill in and viola, there I was on stage having a great time with it. It went pretty well for my first time doing something like that. I was impressed by the fact that our panel was all women and I felt we did a great job of addressing some of the issues of social media in business. If you want to know more search #knoxsummit on Twitter.

Dam* Marketers

Marketing really makes me wonder sometimes. Yes, I work in marketing. Yes, I’ve worked in marketing for over 17 years (did I admit that?). I work for a food manufacturer, Bush Brothers, and am generally immune to the talk about marketing to kids, as our products aren’t marketed to kids. Really, what is the harm in marketing beans to kids?

I’m the mother of two young boys. It is amazing to see the impact of marketing on them. All right, amazing probably isn’t the right word. Frightening? Scary? Terrifying? In the past two weeks both of the kids have proven how they really are sponges. Scary little sponges.

Our first example involves, K, who will be 6 in just over a week. We were having a stretch of cold weather, unseasonably cold. School was closed and he was rather cooped up/caged. Trying to find things to occupy and absolutely stir crazy sensory seeking 5 year old is to say the least challenging. Enter a new toy that Mommy had stashed in the sensory bin.

K walks into the room…’Mommy, you bought BENDAROOS!!!! Can I play with them? Are they for me? I’m so excited.’ I respond that yes he can open them and play with them. About 5 minutes later we are sitting at the kitchen table playing with the Bendaroos and he asks ‘Mommy, did you double your order?’ I about fell off my chair. He proceeded to spout out the copy from the infomercial for Bendaroos. I laughed and nearly cried. Here is a kid who claims he doesn’t know the sight words of 'he' and 'she' yet he can repeat, verbatim, about 6 sentences of copy. Marketing works.

Our second example involves T. Our Nanny, A, was shopping at Walmart with him. K was in school. Apparently they were going down the aisle and T freaked out. He wanted some Disney Take ‘n Toss sippy cups. He was pitching a fit so she got them for him.

Where is the marketing in this? He calls the cups hot dog. Why? They have the Mickey Mouse Clubhouse characters on them. For those without kids, or who choose to not watch tv, the theme song for MMC includes ‘hot dog, hot dog, hot diggity dog.’ Marketing works! On a side note, guess I know what I’ll bring T as a souvenir from Disney when we take K in April ;-)

Both tales led to the conclusion that TV watching needs to back off for the kids. They have plenty of toys, plenty to do. Dam* marketers.