Back to school has already come!

Wow, how did that happen?  Where did summer go?  Seriously, where did it go?

Things wrapped up well.  K completed Fast ForWord and the initial word from his evaluation with the Speech and Hearing Center is that he is still presenting with deficits but he has improved overall.  That is always a relief when you invest a lot of time and money into a program.  He goes for his language re-evaluation in about 10 days.

The FM transmitter has officially been purchased and is being used in the classroom.  There is another boy in K's class who has APD who does not have the transmitter so I encouraged the teacher to seat them together.  I had a fantastic meeting with the Dean of Students and K's teacher before school started.  She is new to the school but has been teaching for a while.  She has a great attitude, asked great questions and has even used an FM transmitter in her classrooms previously.  All good news!

We have met with a Child Psychologist a few times to work on family dynamics, discipline, and tantrums post APD diagnosis.  We have been struggling to figure out where to draw the line, where to cut slack, what are reasonable expectations, etc.  She has recommended a couple of books that we have found interesting...Quirky Kids by Peri Klass and Explosive Child by Ross Greene.  Like all such books not 100% applicable but enough nuggets and ideas to help us along the path as a family.

T started 2 day a week preschool last week.  I thought he would cry and make a scene at drop-off like he does at nursery when we go to church.  For some reason he did great!  Don't interpret that as complaint ;-)  We are relieved and excited.  He has also started potty training which is mind boggling for us considering K didn't really show any progress in that until after 3 1/2.  Another one of those moments where we realize how many signs we missed when K was younger.

I'm busy with work but that is par for the course.  Great projects, great work, just busy.

Hopes dashed but still having hope

So, today was allergy testing day for K.  He has been off of antihistimines since before I went to Park City.  Plenty of time for it to clear his system.  I was out of town on business and connected in Chicago last night flying in this morning for the appointment.

Well, he can eat corn without restraint which is GREAT news!  I was rather panicked at the thought of going corn free.  BUT, after a clear skin test in April and a blood test showing allergy in May, today's skin test confirmed that K is still very allergic to peanuts.  Sigh.

Why do I sigh?  K's school does NOT get food allergies.  They INSISTED on Chick-fil-a chicken nuggets for the Kindergarten Thanksgiving celebration at 10am.  K is to avoid peanuts and peanut oil.  I offered to pay for the alternative (it is a private school) but the principal would NOT budge.  So, I took a half day from work and sat between K and the rest of the kids with an Epi-Pen Jr. in one hand and wipes in the other.  I've gone round and round with the principal over the allergy issue.  She will not take it seriously :-(  Today's appointment means it is another point to confront with her.

So, now I have a child who has a special needs diagnosis that will involve visible interventions in the classroom who also has a life threatening food allergy.  I have this awful feeling in my stomach that I'm the mother of the kid that will be the class punching bag in another couple of years.  I'm working to build confidence in him to try to avoid this situation but it is honestly one of my biggest fears.  I know K will be a productive, happy, well-adjusted adult.  It is elementary, middle and high school that scare the daylights out of me as a mother.

I'm reading Quirky Kids and It's So Hard to be Your Friend right now.  Perhaps this is why I'm so focused on this.  I don't know.  I do know that kids can be downright mean.  K's allergy means he can't sit with the other kids at lunch.  He will have an FM transmitter in the classroom this year.  Part of me wants to not do those things but putting ones life on the line and suboptimtizing the rest of the learning potential due to social concerns just isn't right.

Sometimes choices are quite hard and do not have clarity at the time the choices are made.  I hope K and his classmates make good choices over the years.

I love you K!  You are an amazing boy!  I'm so proud of all you are doing this summer with Fast ForWord.  You will thrive and do great things!

What is my intent?

To be honest, I'm not 100% sure.  I attended evoconference (#evoconf on Twitter) this week for work.  We were sponsors of the conference but I also attended as a fledgling blogger.  Two producers from Oprah spoke in one of the keynotes and said one of the questions they ask of the guests is 'What is your intent?'.  They emphasized the importance of intent in the space of social media and life in general.

So, what is my intent?  I've been pondering it a lot as I enjoyed the beautiful scenery in Park City, UT and as I traveled home again.  At a higher level it is to live a positive life, love those around me, do my best as a mother, do good in general, and be a positive contributor to society.  As it relates to blogging, I really am not sure.

I'm a Mommy.  I'm a WOHM.  I'm the mother of a special needs child.  I'm a wife.  I'm a daughter.  I'm a sister.  I'm an employer.  Some of these jobs I do better than others.  I am human, I cannot be everything to everyone.  I have a lot of opportunity areas in life.  There are many places I feel I should be doing more but I haven't quite figured out how to get there.

Back to blogging.  What is my intent?  I believe my intent is to talk about some of the challenges of all of these things.  Some days I suspect my blog will drift more to the side of raising a special needs child and Auditory Processing Disorder.  Then again, I'm not sure K has been fully diagnosed so making it an APD blog seems narrow.

So, for now, I soak in the words and thoughts shared at EVO and just keep typing.  I found the closing keynote by Brene Brown (#brenebrown and www.brenebrown.com) and Karen Walrond (#chookooloonks and www.chookooloonks.com) to be incredibly inspiring.  The concepts of authenticity and embracing your different are hard ones for many women to come to terms with on a day to day basis.  We so struggle with being everything to everyone and we simply cannot live up to such standards.

So, for now, I'm a mother, a wife, a daughter, an employee, a blogger, a housekeeper, and an employer.  I will do my best and be who I am in those endeavors.

I will also be looking forward to Brene and Karen's new books this fall.

Thanks Evo Conference for the food for thought, the good times, and the beautiful scenery.

It is hard to not make comparisons

So, K and T are 4 years and 2 days apart age-wise.  I've talked a lot about K and his challenges.  We didn't really get started on figuring all of it out until he was 4 which was when we moved him from a daycare to the parochial pre-school.  What a journey it has been since.

T is a blossoming 2 year old.  He is learning and developing and essentially bursting at the seams.  It makes me realize what we missed with K.  I cannot go back and change the past but given early intervention is the key, it does make me want to bang my head against the wall quite a bit.

T is delayed in teething but seemingly not so on anything else.  He can count to 12, he can count down from 10 (to blastoff), he can recognize about 10 letters, he easily recognize shapes in the world (as opposed to identifying on a shape puzzle).  His words are exploding, his reasoning is impressive, and to top it off his physical capabilities are rapidly approaching K's.

M and I work hard to give the boys their individual time to allow each of them to shine in the way that is most relevant to them.  It is hard but appreciated.  K shines so much when we spend the one-on-one time and he isn't competing.  You can tell that he can tell that he is different than T.  It breaks my heart but it is only the first of many times that he will learn this and have to cope.  So, we work on developing his confidence and skills.

I worry about what is to come.  Kids are cruel.  I worry about accomodations at school causing him to be picked on by peers.  Hopefully his extrovert nature will help overcome that.  We will cross the bridge when we come to it.  He was pretty down by the end of the school year 'I can't know how to do that' was creeping back into his lexicon.  It breaks a mother's heart but at the same time strengthens the resolve to provide tools.

He is thriving in camp right now.  He came home beaming about the fish he caught today.  He is red faced and absolutely exhausted by the end of the day.  Saturday he took a 2 hour nap for the first time in ages.  Our hope is to restore his confidence over the summer with fun activities that help push his core muscles and gross motor not to mention help with APD by forcing bilateral involvement.  Fast ForWord should help establish more solid footing before school starts on a more academic level.

On another note, a colleague lost her son far too early.  It has made me hug and hold my boys even more closely.  Please keep the family of Henry Louis Granju in your thoughts and prayers.   You can read more on his mother's blog  http://mamapundit.com/    Some of the reason I fear how cruel kids are is that I could see K wanting to fit in and falling in with the wrong crowd.

My initial consult with the Child Psych regarding K is in late June.  Stay tuned.

Competitiveness and a special needs child

The end of the school year has been hard on me. There is good news that my above average sized 6 year old will proceed to first grade, but it is with some concern and trepidation on Mommy's part. I cringe when I read updates on how fantastic friends kids did. I feel like a big pile of doggy doo when I feel that way, but it doesn't eliminate the fact that it is how I feel. Then I feel like imposter Mommy. You know, where you feel you are coming up with things wrong with your child to explain away what is really poor parenting. Sigh.

That brings me back to my personal flaws. I'm realizing just how competitive I am. Reading K's end of year scores and test results was humbling for me. I have been incredibly blessed throughout my personal academic career. Things came easy to me and I did well. Things are not coming easy to K and it is new territory. It terrifies me as a mother. I know how mean and cruel kids are as social skills didn't come easy to me growing up. I really fear for K and how his classmates will treat him. He doesn't understand the nuances of interpersonal relationships. APD is part of it. Some days I wonder if it is more. I've made a phone call to follow up on those moments of wonder.

His reading and language marks were average to a touch below average. His math skills were average to above average (not surprising for anyone who knows M and I). His handwriting was scored marginal, as in doesn't meet standards for grade. K has been working the Handwriting Without Tears (www.hwtears.com) program for well over a year, and well, K can't write his letters without tears. K's essential tremor contributes, but really, if he can't meet Kindergarten standards will he ever be able to meet them? Then again, does it really matter? Seriously, how many job interviews start with a handwriting sample? Thank goodness for the digital era.

I don't want life to be easy for my kids but I certainly don't wish that it be hard for them. K is going to have challenges all the way through school. I'm looking forward to his APD therapy program starting in July so we can see how that goes. I have also called for an appointment with a Psychologist who specializes in developmental disorders. I want to get the ball rolling to see if there is more going on than what we have figured out so far.

Seriously, the kid has seen almost every specialist in town: GI, Allergist, ENT (Ontolaryngology round one), Opthalmologist, Otolaryngology round two (APD diagnosis), Neurologist, Speech Therapist, Occupational Therapist, and now Child Psychologist. Please don't get me wrong, we are AMAZINGLY blessed parents. He is an amazing, beautiful, loving child. He just has some challenges and we are trying to figure out how to best help him.

As you would say in digital land I heart K! He is my big boy. I adore him and promise to him that I'll figure this out and try my best to make it easier for him.