To be honest, I'm not 100% sure. I attended evoconference (#evoconf on Twitter) this week for work. We were sponsors of the conference but I also attended as a fledgling blogger. Two producers from Oprah spoke in one of the keynotes and said one of the questions they ask of the guests is 'What is your intent?'. They emphasized the importance of intent in the space of social media and life in general.
So, what is my intent? I've been pondering it a lot as I enjoyed the beautiful scenery in Park City, UT and as I traveled home again. At a higher level it is to live a positive life, love those around me, do my best as a mother, do good in general, and be a positive contributor to society. As it relates to blogging, I really am not sure.
I'm a Mommy. I'm a WOHM. I'm the mother of a special needs child. I'm a wife. I'm a daughter. I'm a sister. I'm an employer. Some of these jobs I do better than others. I am human, I cannot be everything to everyone. I have a lot of opportunity areas in life. There are many places I feel I should be doing more but I haven't quite figured out how to get there.
Back to blogging. What is my intent? I believe my intent is to talk about some of the challenges of all of these things. Some days I suspect my blog will drift more to the side of raising a special needs child and Auditory Processing Disorder. Then again, I'm not sure K has been fully diagnosed so making it an APD blog seems narrow.
So, for now, I soak in the words and thoughts shared at EVO and just keep typing. I found the closing keynote by Brene Brown (#brenebrown and www.brenebrown.com) and Karen Walrond (#chookooloonks and www.chookooloonks.com) to be incredibly inspiring. The concepts of authenticity and embracing your different are hard ones for many women to come to terms with on a day to day basis. We so struggle with being everything to everyone and we simply cannot live up to such standards.
So, for now, I'm a mother, a wife, a daughter, an employee, a blogger, a housekeeper, and an employer. I will do my best and be who I am in those endeavors.
I will also be looking forward to Brene and Karen's new books this fall.
Thanks Evo Conference for the food for thought, the good times, and the beautiful scenery.
Monday, June 28, 2010
Saturday, June 19, 2010
Absolute Chaos!
Home improvement projects are painful. There is absolutely no way around it. If you vacate during the work, you miss errors and mistakes and come home at a point too late. If you live in the house during it the disruption of routine, the noise, the mess, the clutter...OH MY!
We have wanted hardwood floors since we bought our house in early 2005. We are an atopic family. Dust allergies abounding, not to mention allergies to pretty much everything green. So, hardwoods are perfect. We decided to go ahead and do it this spring. We picked our floor, got the estimates and work started last Monday.
Calamity after calamity. Cracked boards, gauges, albino board next to dark board in prominent place. Nothing life threatening but certainly a PITA! The contractor is holding up their end of the deal but it is still painful.
So, do I really want to design and build the house of my dreams? If 1,200 sq. ft. of hardwood is this painful what would a whole house be...not sure I have it in me.
M and I are traveling to Park City this week without the kids so I can attend the Evo Conference (#evoconf www.evoconference.com) for work. It should be a nice getaway and it should significantly help this pitiful blog ;-) Shortly thereafter we will go to see my brother for the first time in about 7 years (I've seen him but not been to his house). I suspect our house will be chaotic for a while.
K had his orientation for Fast ForWord this week and did well with it. He starts July 6th...2 hours a day, 5 days a week, for 6 weeks. Fingers crossed that it jump starts him for 1st grade.
We have wanted hardwood floors since we bought our house in early 2005. We are an atopic family. Dust allergies abounding, not to mention allergies to pretty much everything green. So, hardwoods are perfect. We decided to go ahead and do it this spring. We picked our floor, got the estimates and work started last Monday.
Calamity after calamity. Cracked boards, gauges, albino board next to dark board in prominent place. Nothing life threatening but certainly a PITA! The contractor is holding up their end of the deal but it is still painful.
So, do I really want to design and build the house of my dreams? If 1,200 sq. ft. of hardwood is this painful what would a whole house be...not sure I have it in me.
M and I are traveling to Park City this week without the kids so I can attend the Evo Conference (#evoconf www.evoconference.com) for work. It should be a nice getaway and it should significantly help this pitiful blog ;-) Shortly thereafter we will go to see my brother for the first time in about 7 years (I've seen him but not been to his house). I suspect our house will be chaotic for a while.
K had his orientation for Fast ForWord this week and did well with it. He starts July 6th...2 hours a day, 5 days a week, for 6 weeks. Fingers crossed that it jump starts him for 1st grade.
Monday, June 7, 2010
It is hard to not make comparisons
So, K and T are 4 years and 2 days apart age-wise. I've talked a lot about K and his challenges. We didn't really get started on figuring all of it out until he was 4 which was when we moved him from a daycare to the parochial pre-school. What a journey it has been since.
T is a blossoming 2 year old. He is learning and developing and essentially bursting at the seams. It makes me realize what we missed with K. I cannot go back and change the past but given early intervention is the key, it does make me want to bang my head against the wall quite a bit.
T is delayed in teething but seemingly not so on anything else. He can count to 12, he can count down from 10 (to blastoff), he can recognize about 10 letters, he easily recognize shapes in the world (as opposed to identifying on a shape puzzle). His words are exploding, his reasoning is impressive, and to top it off his physical capabilities are rapidly approaching K's.
M and I work hard to give the boys their individual time to allow each of them to shine in the way that is most relevant to them. It is hard but appreciated. K shines so much when we spend the one-on-one time and he isn't competing. You can tell that he can tell that he is different than T. It breaks my heart but it is only the first of many times that he will learn this and have to cope. So, we work on developing his confidence and skills.
I worry about what is to come. Kids are cruel. I worry about accomodations at school causing him to be picked on by peers. Hopefully his extrovert nature will help overcome that. We will cross the bridge when we come to it. He was pretty down by the end of the school year 'I can't know how to do that' was creeping back into his lexicon. It breaks a mother's heart but at the same time strengthens the resolve to provide tools.
He is thriving in camp right now. He came home beaming about the fish he caught today. He is red faced and absolutely exhausted by the end of the day. Saturday he took a 2 hour nap for the first time in ages. Our hope is to restore his confidence over the summer with fun activities that help push his core muscles and gross motor not to mention help with APD by forcing bilateral involvement. Fast ForWord should help establish more solid footing before school starts on a more academic level.
On another note, a colleague lost her son far too early. It has made me hug and hold my boys even more closely. Please keep the family of Henry Louis Granju in your thoughts and prayers. You can read more on his mother's blog http://mamapundit.com/ Some of the reason I fear how cruel kids are is that I could see K wanting to fit in and falling in with the wrong crowd.
My initial consult with the Child Psych regarding K is in late June. Stay tuned.
T is a blossoming 2 year old. He is learning and developing and essentially bursting at the seams. It makes me realize what we missed with K. I cannot go back and change the past but given early intervention is the key, it does make me want to bang my head against the wall quite a bit.
T is delayed in teething but seemingly not so on anything else. He can count to 12, he can count down from 10 (to blastoff), he can recognize about 10 letters, he easily recognize shapes in the world (as opposed to identifying on a shape puzzle). His words are exploding, his reasoning is impressive, and to top it off his physical capabilities are rapidly approaching K's.
M and I work hard to give the boys their individual time to allow each of them to shine in the way that is most relevant to them. It is hard but appreciated. K shines so much when we spend the one-on-one time and he isn't competing. You can tell that he can tell that he is different than T. It breaks my heart but it is only the first of many times that he will learn this and have to cope. So, we work on developing his confidence and skills.
I worry about what is to come. Kids are cruel. I worry about accomodations at school causing him to be picked on by peers. Hopefully his extrovert nature will help overcome that. We will cross the bridge when we come to it. He was pretty down by the end of the school year 'I can't know how to do that' was creeping back into his lexicon. It breaks a mother's heart but at the same time strengthens the resolve to provide tools.
He is thriving in camp right now. He came home beaming about the fish he caught today. He is red faced and absolutely exhausted by the end of the day. Saturday he took a 2 hour nap for the first time in ages. Our hope is to restore his confidence over the summer with fun activities that help push his core muscles and gross motor not to mention help with APD by forcing bilateral involvement. Fast ForWord should help establish more solid footing before school starts on a more academic level.
On another note, a colleague lost her son far too early. It has made me hug and hold my boys even more closely. Please keep the family of Henry Louis Granju in your thoughts and prayers. You can read more on his mother's blog http://mamapundit.com/ Some of the reason I fear how cruel kids are is that I could see K wanting to fit in and falling in with the wrong crowd.
My initial consult with the Child Psych regarding K is in late June. Stay tuned.
Thursday, June 3, 2010
Really? No, really? Corn?
I am positively reeling. Sucker punch to the gut, or baseball bat type reeling. If I may say so, that it saying something. I'm talking, that if it were here, I could polish off a whole package of Oreos, or a quart of ice cream. I'm stunned, I'm panicked, I'm absolutely reeling.
I have been an allergy parent for 6 years. My 6 year old K has had no less than 4 rounds of skin prick testing and 4 rounds of RAST blood work. He had his most recent round of skin testing in April and they happened to include corn.
He tested positive. The lovely nurse practitioner said it could be a false positive due to high pollen season. I shrugged and went along happily. She wanted to rule it out by including it on the RAST panel they were running because K's peanut skin test was negative.
The bloodwork came back yesterday. There was no ruling out. It was confirmed. Corn. An American boy living in the suburbs has both positive skin and blood tests to corn. This isn't a kid who lives adjacent to Alice Waters in Berkeley. A suburban American kid in East Tennessee.
No really...corn. Not gluten, not nuts, not milk, all of which seem to be at least somewhat understandable in today's society. But corn. Not in the top 8, with no labeling requirements to address it, corn.
WTH????
The NP said she would like us to remove corn from his diet until we come back July 22.
Corn?
For the first time in my life as an allergy parent I honestly don't know that I can do strict avoidance. I am leaning towards only removing closer to whole things. Actual corn, corn chips, corn muffins, use of corn meal, etc.
Really, could a kid who existed almost solely on ketchup, chicken nuggets, fish sticks, crackers, french fries for how many years be allergic to processed corn? The ketchup, nuggets and crackers are all laden with it.
On the flip side, we have had many unexplained instances where after eating a meal K has described his body as tingly. We have had many instances of that with mixed vegetables. That was the reason she put corn on the spt panel. We thought he was making stuff up.
No popcorn? No Fritos? A Southern kid who can't eat cornbread? No nachos?
My grocery bill just went up by $150/month if this is going to be our new reality.
I am honestly rather paralyzed in terms of what to do.
Corn???
I have been an allergy parent for 6 years. My 6 year old K has had no less than 4 rounds of skin prick testing and 4 rounds of RAST blood work. He had his most recent round of skin testing in April and they happened to include corn.
He tested positive. The lovely nurse practitioner said it could be a false positive due to high pollen season. I shrugged and went along happily. She wanted to rule it out by including it on the RAST panel they were running because K's peanut skin test was negative.
The bloodwork came back yesterday. There was no ruling out. It was confirmed. Corn. An American boy living in the suburbs has both positive skin and blood tests to corn. This isn't a kid who lives adjacent to Alice Waters in Berkeley. A suburban American kid in East Tennessee.
No really...corn. Not gluten, not nuts, not milk, all of which seem to be at least somewhat understandable in today's society. But corn. Not in the top 8, with no labeling requirements to address it, corn.
WTH????
The NP said she would like us to remove corn from his diet until we come back July 22.
Corn?
For the first time in my life as an allergy parent I honestly don't know that I can do strict avoidance. I am leaning towards only removing closer to whole things. Actual corn, corn chips, corn muffins, use of corn meal, etc.
Really, could a kid who existed almost solely on ketchup, chicken nuggets, fish sticks, crackers, french fries for how many years be allergic to processed corn? The ketchup, nuggets and crackers are all laden with it.
On the flip side, we have had many unexplained instances where after eating a meal K has described his body as tingly. We have had many instances of that with mixed vegetables. That was the reason she put corn on the spt panel. We thought he was making stuff up.
No popcorn? No Fritos? A Southern kid who can't eat cornbread? No nachos?
My grocery bill just went up by $150/month if this is going to be our new reality.
I am honestly rather paralyzed in terms of what to do.
Corn???
Monday, May 31, 2010
Finding the line
So, we have the diagnosis of APD. It is helpful to know that K hasn't just been willfully disobediant and/or defiant. It has helped our relationships with him to know that. BUT, we are struggling with how do we differentiate between blatant behavioral issues and APD related lack of understanding. It is a challenging place to be as a parent.
Clearly there are boundaries. Hauling off and hitting his brother is automatic time out for K. But, what about 'K, go do ~insert single task here~'?
Volume level in the house is another one. Inside voices has been a phrase we have used for 5 years with K. Clearly not something new. That said, does K's volume escalate when he is struggling due to APD? Kevin is also a sensory seeker (SID) so that coupled with the issues of not being able to 'hear' and yikes what is a parent to do?
His diagnosis was generalized APD with larger issues (I know that isn't the right phrase) with Tolerance Memory Fading and Decoding. One example from the testing was the test sentence was 'Answer the telephone when it rings.' and K heard 'How does the doorbell ring?'. During another part of the testing one word was played in one ear, another in the other, and two words simultaneously in both. K was instructed to repeat the 4 words and he shut down not long into it because, to quote K, 'there aren't 4 words!'.
I'm doing some reading right now to ground myself and try to get the ball rolling, so to speak. K starts Fast ForWord on July 6 and will do that through August 16 with school starting the 18th. He will continue in OT during the summer and will start speech therapy in August with a ST who goes to visits his school (private school and private ST).
As a type A, control freak mother, I am coming to terms with things not being controllable, predictable, or even at times understandable. It is humbling. But, the love I feel for my children is endless and supporting, loving, and helping them is far more important to me than being in control.
Similar to when we got the allergy diagnosis there is a period of grieving, a time to reflect upon that which won't play out how we anticipated and hoped. I wouldn't trade K for anything, so it is merely a time where I come to terms with the diagnosis, accept things for what they are, arm myself with as much knowledge as possible, and move on with the process of providing him with the tools and skills to be his best, whatever that may be.
How can I resist a smile like this, right? Smiles like the one in the picture below are all the encouragement a mother needs.
Clearly there are boundaries. Hauling off and hitting his brother is automatic time out for K. But, what about 'K, go do ~insert single task here~
Volume level in the house is another one. Inside voices has been a phrase we have used for 5 years with K. Clearly not something new. That said, does K's volume escalate when he is struggling due to APD? Kevin is also a sensory seeker (SID) so that coupled with the issues of not being able to 'hear' and yikes what is a parent to do?
His diagnosis was generalized APD with larger issues (I know that isn't the right phrase) with Tolerance Memory Fading and Decoding. One example from the testing was the test sentence was 'Answer the telephone when it rings.' and K heard 'How does the doorbell ring?'. During another part of the testing one word was played in one ear, another in the other, and two words simultaneously in both. K was instructed to repeat the 4 words and he shut down not long into it because, to quote K, 'there aren't 4 words!'.
I'm doing some reading right now to ground myself and try to get the ball rolling, so to speak. K starts Fast ForWord on July 6 and will do that through August 16 with school starting the 18th. He will continue in OT during the summer and will start speech therapy in August with a ST who goes to visits his school (private school and private ST).
As a type A, control freak mother, I am coming to terms with things not being controllable, predictable, or even at times understandable. It is humbling. But, the love I feel for my children is endless and supporting, loving, and helping them is far more important to me than being in control.
Similar to when we got the allergy diagnosis there is a period of grieving, a time to reflect upon that which won't play out how we anticipated and hoped. I wouldn't trade K for anything, so it is merely a time where I come to terms with the diagnosis, accept things for what they are, arm myself with as much knowledge as possible, and move on with the process of providing him with the tools and skills to be his best, whatever that may be.
How can I resist a smile like this, right? Smiles like the one in the picture below are all the encouragement a mother needs.
Friday, May 28, 2010
Competitiveness and a special needs child
The end of the school year has been hard on me. There is good news that my above average sized 6 year old will proceed to first grade, but it is with some concern and trepidation on Mommy's part. I cringe when I read updates on how fantastic friends kids did. I feel like a big pile of doggy doo when I feel that way, but it doesn't eliminate the fact that it is how I feel. Then I feel like imposter Mommy. You know, where you feel you are coming up with things wrong with your child to explain away what is really poor parenting. Sigh.
That brings me back to my personal flaws. I'm realizing just how competitive I am. Reading K's end of year scores and test results was humbling for me. I have been incredibly blessed throughout my personal academic career. Things came easy to me and I did well. Things are not coming easy to K and it is new territory. It terrifies me as a mother. I know how mean and cruel kids are as social skills didn't come easy to me growing up. I really fear for K and how his classmates will treat him. He doesn't understand the nuances of interpersonal relationships. APD is part of it. Some days I wonder if it is more. I've made a phone call to follow up on those moments of wonder.
His reading and language marks were average to a touch below average. His math skills were average to above average (not surprising for anyone who knows M and I). His handwriting was scored marginal, as in doesn't meet standards for grade. K has been working the Handwriting Without Tears (www.hwtears.com) program for well over a year, and well, K can't write his letters without tears. K's essential tremor contributes, but really, if he can't meet Kindergarten standards will he ever be able to meet them? Then again, does it really matter? Seriously, how many job interviews start with a handwriting sample? Thank goodness for the digital era.
I don't want life to be easy for my kids but I certainly don't wish that it be hard for them. K is going to have challenges all the way through school. I'm looking forward to his APD therapy program starting in July so we can see how that goes. I have also called for an appointment with a Psychologist who specializes in developmental disorders. I want to get the ball rolling to see if there is more going on than what we have figured out so far.
Seriously, the kid has seen almost every specialist in town: GI, Allergist, ENT (Ontolaryngology round one), Opthalmologist, Otolaryngology round two (APD diagnosis), Neurologist, Speech Therapist, Occupational Therapist, and now Child Psychologist. Please don't get me wrong, we are AMAZINGLY blessed parents. He is an amazing, beautiful, loving child. He just has some challenges and we are trying to figure out how to best help him.
As you would say in digital land I heart K! He is my big boy. I adore him and promise to him that I'll figure this out and try my best to make it easier for him.
That brings me back to my personal flaws. I'm realizing just how competitive I am. Reading K's end of year scores and test results was humbling for me. I have been incredibly blessed throughout my personal academic career. Things came easy to me and I did well. Things are not coming easy to K and it is new territory. It terrifies me as a mother. I know how mean and cruel kids are as social skills didn't come easy to me growing up. I really fear for K and how his classmates will treat him. He doesn't understand the nuances of interpersonal relationships. APD is part of it. Some days I wonder if it is more. I've made a phone call to follow up on those moments of wonder.
His reading and language marks were average to a touch below average. His math skills were average to above average (not surprising for anyone who knows M and I). His handwriting was scored marginal, as in doesn't meet standards for grade. K has been working the Handwriting Without Tears (www.hwtears.com) program for well over a year, and well, K can't write his letters without tears. K's essential tremor contributes, but really, if he can't meet Kindergarten standards will he ever be able to meet them? Then again, does it really matter? Seriously, how many job interviews start with a handwriting sample? Thank goodness for the digital era.
I don't want life to be easy for my kids but I certainly don't wish that it be hard for them. K is going to have challenges all the way through school. I'm looking forward to his APD therapy program starting in July so we can see how that goes. I have also called for an appointment with a Psychologist who specializes in developmental disorders. I want to get the ball rolling to see if there is more going on than what we have figured out so far.
Seriously, the kid has seen almost every specialist in town: GI, Allergist, ENT (Ontolaryngology round one), Opthalmologist, Otolaryngology round two (APD diagnosis), Neurologist, Speech Therapist, Occupational Therapist, and now Child Psychologist. Please don't get me wrong, we are AMAZINGLY blessed parents. He is an amazing, beautiful, loving child. He just has some challenges and we are trying to figure out how to best help him.
As you would say in digital land I heart K! He is my big boy. I adore him and promise to him that I'll figure this out and try my best to make it easier for him.
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
Random thoughts, mostly about K
Short business trips always end up being a time of some introspection. Longer trips I really start missing my guys, but shorter trips allow me some time to stop and think about things for a bit without getting lonely. Time with my thoughts is fleeting so I love the chance. One of my co-workers always stimulates positive thinking for me and helps me remember what is important, what to focus on, and how to keep all the balls in the air.
I’m really not sure where things are headed with K. The APD diagnosis gives us something to work with over the summer. There are other things still on the table that I have moments of worry about but then it passes too. We may still be dealing with ADHD or with Asperger’s. I have mixed feelings about both but know ‘what’ it is doesn’t matter, the love I feel for him is the same. I just want to know how to best support and help him develop. We have to work on the APD first to see if that helps the symptoms of the others.
Today was a big day for us. It was the last day of school. K has done well enough that he isn’t being held back so we are officially the parents of a first grader. I’m not sure how that has come to pass. Seven years ago this week I found out I was pregnant with K. Now he is a first grader. Somehow it seems like it was just a little while ago I saw that second line of the test.
T starts two day a week preschool in August. It will be the start of a transition. He is growing and developing so quickly. It really makes M and I step back and realize how much we missed with K. T is so much more verbal, knows many shapes, identifies letters, and counts. All stuff that K didn’t do until far later. Layer on top T’s physical strengths and abilities and boy do we feel like cruddy parents who missed a lot of signs that K was struggling. That said, nothing we can do to change that so keep working to help and support him as much as possible.
Work has been busy. Good busy, but crazy busy. M is going to come with me to EVO in Park City later this month. It is nice when work and life briefly coincide. The kids will stay here but we are really looking forward to the time together. Work is sponsoring the conference so that part will also be very interesting. I’m hoping to get a clue about blogging while I’m there and this will hopefully be a better place to visit come July.
The weekend after EVO we are visiting my brother and his family in NY and we are VERY, VERY excited about that. The cousins have a blast together. Stay tuned for pictures.
I’m really not sure where things are headed with K. The APD diagnosis gives us something to work with over the summer. There are other things still on the table that I have moments of worry about but then it passes too. We may still be dealing with ADHD or with Asperger’s. I have mixed feelings about both but know ‘what’ it is doesn’t matter, the love I feel for him is the same. I just want to know how to best support and help him develop. We have to work on the APD first to see if that helps the symptoms of the others.
Today was a big day for us. It was the last day of school. K has done well enough that he isn’t being held back so we are officially the parents of a first grader. I’m not sure how that has come to pass. Seven years ago this week I found out I was pregnant with K. Now he is a first grader. Somehow it seems like it was just a little while ago I saw that second line of the test.
T starts two day a week preschool in August. It will be the start of a transition. He is growing and developing so quickly. It really makes M and I step back and realize how much we missed with K. T is so much more verbal, knows many shapes, identifies letters, and counts. All stuff that K didn’t do until far later. Layer on top T’s physical strengths and abilities and boy do we feel like cruddy parents who missed a lot of signs that K was struggling. That said, nothing we can do to change that so keep working to help and support him as much as possible.
Work has been busy. Good busy, but crazy busy. M is going to come with me to EVO in Park City later this month. It is nice when work and life briefly coincide. The kids will stay here but we are really looking forward to the time together. Work is sponsoring the conference so that part will also be very interesting. I’m hoping to get a clue about blogging while I’m there and this will hopefully be a better place to visit come July.
The weekend after EVO we are visiting my brother and his family in NY and we are VERY, VERY excited about that. The cousins have a blast together. Stay tuned for pictures.
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